To be the hero is all I'll ask...

teaboot

Me, calling in to my shift supervisor: Gooooooood morning! Are we ready for another super splendiferous day with the public?! 😀

Her: That is too much energy

Me: It iiiiiis fake!! 😀

Her: Still too much energy

teaboot

Google result for Proverbs 27:14 "14 Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, will be counted as cursing. 14 A loud and cheerful greeting early in the morning will be taken as a curse! 14 If you wake your friend in the early morning by shouting "Rise and shine!" It will sound to him more like a curse than a blessing."

Did you just know this

stele3

secifosseluce

as much as the concept of Jesus being a fairly normal lad has its charms, im personally very intrigued by the idea of him being just… extremely weird. not even in a mystical sense, just…….staggeringly BIZZARRE.

you go to the well to get some water, and here’s Miriam’s boy, staring at the sky, completely still. his expression is unreadable. you hazard a hello and ask how he’s doing, and he slowly, unblinkingly, lowers his gaze on you (he’s 8 and is missing his frontal teeth, not that this is making you any less uncomfortable) and says “I cannot speak of the state of my being, Nathan son of Saul, my brother, but rejoice for the water you shall take today will be as pure as the soul of the children of Heaven”

…you start sweating

secifosseluce

normal person in 1st century Nazareth: making my way downtown, walking fast

*sees J boy, 8 yo, staring at you from across the street*

normal person: walking faster

secifosseluce

even funnier, the only person 100% on board with his Prophetic Kid Talk is his mother Miriam, an otherwise placid, absolutely normal woman around 25 or so

kid JC, coming home at twilight, a single white dove following him and chirping with weirdly human-like precision:

moth̫́er,̦͌ ̮̉i h͙̉av͔̽e ͓͗b̘̃r̞̓o̮͘u̲̒gh̟͒t̺́ you a do̗͐ṽ͙e̢͘ ͈̾m͒͢a͈̽dē̝ ỏ̘f ͈̓c̆͜l͔̂aỷ͇ aṋ̑d̳̿ g͢͞i̹̾fted̖͡ ̻͐it ͓͂w̖̿it̎͜h t̥̃h͙͒e ̨̒m̧̂i̡̍ŗ͒â̫cḷ̔è̤ ̛̻of̞̅ l̘̈i̛̦fè̳

Miriam: ! that’s my little boy :) now let’s go get ready for dinner :)

her husband Yosef, a carpenter who only marginally got signed up for this:

bargains-by-duckface

This post is so Christian, but it’s the spicy kind of Christian that gets you murdered by other Christians for heresy, so I’m torn.

secifosseluce

literally biggest form of compliment i’ve ever gotten

moonsterm

that means the angels are babysitters then

moonsterm

here have more

patricia-von-arundel

You guys really need to read Christopher Moore’s Lamb, if you haven’t.

frikinnerd

Always reblog Cryptid Jesus

moonsterm

I made more. cause it’s fun

acing-dyslexia

I love that you guys used their actual names

roane72

I did not consider Eldritch Baby Jesus.

benkaaoi

@homo-ousios

elithedndyke

jennilah

went to see if my late package maybe showed up without being scanned

jennilah

but the post man yesterday said it would be here at ooooooooooone

jennilah

is 9…………. post office closing time……. no pkg……………………………………………………… >:C

jennilah

well at least i can skip my post office visit tomorrow

jennilah

i mean what did i expect really

a package?

too unrealistic

jennilah

amazon sent me a replacement for my lost package and it “arrived” today

jennilah

omg she recognized me immediately and got nervous with me while checking the system using my name

she was just as distraught as me when it turned up “arriving tomorrow” again but then she had another idea

one-pearl-point

mail is dumb

builtfjordtuff

The mail lady saying “NO. I REFUSE to say it again” was more climactic than the Braveheart speech.

national-shitpost-registry

oh my gosh, op’s bio says “The package was a laptop” which gives SUCH a new perspective

spongebobssquarepants

somecutething

Dolphins doing cartwheels with an aquarium guest.

(via Ant.Giovanni)

luidilovins

I'm loving this new trend of people going to zoos and participating in animal enrichment. We use to observe large exotic animals for our entertainment, but the fact is that we are now trying to make ourselves equally as entertaining for them. It's interactive, completely parpicipatory and I would argue that eventually someone's gonna come up with something new enough that it expland ethologists understanding about how some animals think, problem solve, communicate and feel and I think its fantastic.